Hoàn Kiếm, Hanoi – Drowning her sorrows at Bia Corner,
24-year-old Australian Instagram influencer, Tayla Jennings, recently returned
crestfallen to Hanoi following a five-day expedition around Vietnam’s northern
provinces.
Having travelled north by motorbike, Jennings had hoped to
document the plight of Vietnam’s numerous ethnic minorities, but later took to
social media to express her sadness at learning that the communities that she’d
visited had already been photographed extensively.
Speaking with The
Durian an exasperated Jennings stated “It’s just so heart-breaking to know
that these poor, poor people have already been exploited to boost the profiles
of so many other influencers already.”
After downing her beer and screaming at “one of the natives”
for another, Jennings continued, “Like, I just wanted to make a difference –
lounging around these ethnic types in my custom bikini is just my way of giving
back to these communities.”
The trip has been dubbed a colossal failure by Jennings, who
enlisted the assistance of fellow backpacker, Ryan Butler, as her photographer.
“He [Butler] had me convinced that he could take some solid
scantily-clad shots of me interloping around an ethnic minority’s village and
that they’d really boost my brand’s value,” added Jennings, “That’s why I gave
him a handjob.”
Despite being unable to name even one of the 53 ethnic
minorities in Vietnam, Jennings claimed that she had hoped to raise awareness
of their culture.
With a dizzying lack of shame, Jennings believed her 2,000
real followers and 13,000 bots would be captivated by the “authentic” stories
of locals in her photo captions, of course accompanying her own unique brand of
softcore pornography.
Her dismay after learning an abundance of predominantly
white photographers had already used those on the fringes of Vietnamese society
to boost their clout was palpable.
“I just wanted people to see that I’m so much more than just
a stunningly attractive, young, nubile woman who looks as if she’s been
airbrushed into reality straight from the wet dreams of teenage boys – I wanted
to show my caring side.”
At press time, a drunken Jennings was arranging flights to
Cambodia where she hopes her voluptuous body may be able to offset the horrific
legacy of the Khmer Rouge.
The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.
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