Hai Bà Trưng, Hanoi – An undercover investigation by The Durian has seen the CFO of
ride-hailing app, Snatch, embroiled in an underground late-night jousting
operation. Footage obtained by The Durian
has implicated Snatch’s Chief Financial Officer, Quach Van Ban, in what appears
to be an illegal gambling operation, where Snatch drivers are forced to drive
at each other with lances.
Allegations that Quach has been financing the jousting ring
that has so far seen countless drivers impaled and mangled have been strenuously
denied by Snatch. The ride-hailing company issued a statement over social media
this morning.
“Quach is neither aware, nor complicit in this vicious
rumour, the sole purpose of which is to defame and besmirch the good name of
Snatch,” the statement read, “We have complied thoroughly with the relevant
authorities and have filed a formal complaint to media watchdogs for the irresponsible
reporting of The Durian.”
“Snatch is a family-oriented family,” the statement
continued, “and we hope to continue Snatching people in Vietnam long after
these rumours are put to bed.”
Despite this, The
Durian has collected numerous videos and hours of testimony from Snatch drivers
who claim they were offered the chance to joust against their colleagues, known
colloquially throughout the company as “wage supplementation opportunities.”
On the condition of anonymity, one former Snatch driver,
known only as Andy, spoke to The Durian reporters.
Andy has been in the intensive care unit at Đừng Chết private clinic for over
two weeks and after a lance tore out one of his kidneys during a late-night
jousting match.
Andy also claims that Quach has personally been paying his
medical bills, but doctors at Đừng Chết have expressed concerns that Andy may
never be able to drink bia hoi again.
“There’s nothing quite like it,” explained Andy from his hospital
bed, “The rush of charging headlong at another driver at 40, sometimes 50kmp/h with
a fucking lance is a bit more stimulating than ferrying fat English teachers to and from
Tây Hồ, although for the injuries I’ve seen, it’s just not worth it.”
Andy claims that Quach initiated the jousting ring,
encouraging Snatch drivers to take part in jousts that take place at multiple
discreet locations across the city, usually in the dead of night.
“Anywhere with a good straight road works fine,” explained
Andy, “The main thing is getting the lances supplied in time, it’s the only
part of the operation that I haven’t seen for myself, where the fuck do you get
a 4ft wooden lance made in Hanoi?”
Speculating on Quach’s motives, Andy suggested that it was
initially financed solely by Quach, as a sort of sadistic passion project, but
as the jousting momentum grew, Snatch’s own money was funnelled into the
operation. Quach has reportedly authorised payments to be made to winners,
showing up in payslips as simply, “overtime.”
“The problem is that once you’re in, you’re hooked – the money’s
just too good and [Quach] won’t let you quit, not without losing your job.”
Andy’s problem is not unique, as many former drivers have reportedly been
silenced with out of court settlements.
“He’s got the power to make sure you can’t even get work as
a Xe ôm,” he added, cautiously whispering so the nurses wouldn’t hear.
With the death toll rising, increased public awareness and
the potential for an internal investigation into Snatch’s jousting policy, the
pressure is mounting for Quach to resign.
The question on everyone’s lips is where can I watch this
spectacle and how much cash should I bring?
This is The Durian reporting on an ongoing investigation and we will have
the latest for you as we get it.
The Durian is a
satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed
only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely
coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing
out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.
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