Tạ Hiện Bar Manager says “Fuck it” before printing new menu listing price of handjobs - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Tạ Hiện Bar Manager says “Fuck it” before printing new menu listing price of handjobs

Hoàn Kiếm, Hanoi – Rod Menlove, manager of infamous Tạ Hiện late night haunt, Lower the Bar, reportedly uttered a solemn “Fuck it” before hitting print on his new and improved menu covering prices of beers, basic spirits, cocktails and sexual acts.

Sources close to Menlove disclosed the 32 year old former English teacher was apparently weighing up the conundrum for approximately five full minutes, before an audible “Fuck it” was heard from his office, followed by the unmistakable churning sound of close to thirty paper menus detailing a full breakdown of costs for drinks deals and intimate genital fondling.

Speaking with The Durian on the condition of anonymity, one employee stated she was optimistic about the new menu and the impact it would have on her clientele. 

“For me it makes a lot of sense – fewer awkward moments where guys can demean me by low-balling, greater clarity for those too embarrassed to find out how much we need to be paid to touch them and it’s a much better way to promote the cocktail specials.”

Adding that she believed this sort of openness should be encouraged, she hopes it will bring a lot of new business to Lower the Bar, “I’m hoping to see a lot of new faces, maybe a few younger ones who aren’t going to ask me to marry them after just one vodka Redbull and a handjob, but whoever they are, I just hope they’ve learned enough from American foreign policy to know when to pull out.”

Menlove’s marketing marvel already appears to be a hit with the one regular customer allowed in before opening hours, prompting local fiend, Brett Scavanach to loudly exclaim, “I fucking love the comic sans type font man, that shit’s lit! Plus, now I can get receipts for my deductibles that don’t make me look like a fucking alcoholic, righteous!”

Detailing his deliberation on the matter, Menlove was apparently facing a creative dilemma and suffering from writer’s block that he claimed was brought on by too many balloons the previous night. 

More on this story as it develops.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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