Trump posts scathing review of Obama Bun Cha on TripAdvisor - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Trump posts scathing review of Obama Bun Cha on TripAdvisor

Hoàn Kiếm, Ha Noi – Though President Donald J Trump was physically unable to fight in Vietnam some four decades ago, the POTUS has since developed into a keyboard warrior the likes of which the world has never seen.

Trump is currently travelling Asia with his arch-frenemy Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea and aspiring digital nomad, on what has been dubbed the “Backpacking for Peace” tour, but seemingly not everything has lived up to the Donald’s expectations.

The leader of the free world demonstrated his prowess behind a dimly lit blue screen again yesterday, leaving a scathing review on the TripAdvisor page of Hanoi restaurant Bun Cha Huong Lien, aka Obama Bun Cha.

Trump’s predecessor Barack Obama made the hole-in-the-wall eatery famous in 2016 when he stopped in for a bite and a beer with the late, great Anthony Bourdain, but it seems noted cheeseburger and Diet Coke connoisseur Trump was less than impressed with the Hanoi delicacy.

“If I had to choose a word – and I know many words, lots of people say I have all the good words, remember that – I’d say overrated, ok? I heard such tremendous things, ok, but I just don’t get it, nobody gets it. This guy Obama, ok, he never got food, never understood it, that’s what everyone is saying. Do we even know he came here? I never saw a visa, nobody else, the CIA, the FBI, the IBM, they never said they saw it. Where is his certificate of entry?” the review begins, after extensive review from editorial staff at The Durian managed to decipher the grammatical minefield Trump had left online.

The 45th President of the United States of America went on to lambast the cutlery options, which he is believed to have described as “these long, fat toothpicks”, before querying the lack of ketchup, promising to Make America Great Again by securing a trade deal on ketchup with Vietnam and claiming to be “doing his bit” for bilateral relations by posting his review to TripAdvisor.

As to the actual food, the POTUS expressed some confusion as to the mechanics of bun cha consumption:

“What’s with the burger patties floating in the soup? I’ve eaten at all the top restaurants, all of them, in fact, the KFCs, McDonalds, Pizza Huts here, they’re begging, begging me to eat their food. So, you know, I know a little bit about food, more than a little bit, actually. And I’ve never seen burger patties floating in soup, even though I’ve been everywhere, by the way.”

The review stumbled over a range of emojis that seemed to imply further confusion on behalf of the Leader of the Free World, before returning to a 7-year-old’s interpretation of English.

“By the way, Anthony, Anthony Bourdain, he wanted me on that show. Parts Under There or whatever it was called. Because, you know, as I said, I know a thing or two about food, and reality TV, you know. He says ‘Mr Trump I need you on the show, we’re getting killed by the Apprentice in the ratings!’ And I said ‘Eh, Tony, I’ll think about it, ok.’ I’m still killing him in the ratings, by the way, even though he’s dead and I’m not. I was very sad he died. Tragedy. Like this food!”

Reached for comment, Trump’s comrade Kim would only say, “It was fine, like I would have preferred more grovelling and fear-induced heart attacks at the mere sight of my presence from the waitresses, but whatever, he [Trump] is killing my buzz man, nobody even uses TripAdvisor anymore – but I’m working on a new food app called #SlimKims.”

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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