Law-abiding motorist single greatest hazard on road - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Law-abiding motorist single greatest hazard on road

Long Biên, Hanoi – Blissfully ignorant of the carnage caused around her, local woman Nguyen Quét Sạch today became the single largest threat to other motorists by fully abiding by Vietnamese traffic laws.

“It was absolutely terrifying,” recounted one motorist lucky to be alive, “She was just indicating left, and then she went and actually turned left,” said Tran Truyện Chưởng, claiming he saw his life flash before his eyes. 

“I had to swerve to avoid her, she was a total menace, turning left from the left-hand lane while I was trying to veer across four lanes to turn right,” he added, “People like that need a crash or two to knock some sense into them.”

With mounting frustration over Nguyen’s reluctance to run red lights, other motorists reported multiple thumb injuries in their over-enthusiastic employment of their horns, with one even going so far as to dismount and physically start pushing Nguyen’s Yamaha Nouvo over the white line while waiting at a red light.

“She may not know it,” started Lê Thông Đít, a renowned reckless driver and trẻ trâu prick, “But for the rest of us here on the roads today, she represents everything we fear, everything that we have come to hate atop these tarmac frontiers – she is become death.”

Multiple sources reported seeing the Vietnamese mother-of-two pull over to a safe side of the road to take a phone call, which in itself created a spectacle as countless motorists lost control of their vehicles in confusion.

While Nguyen had inspired emotions ranging from fear to fury, she remained utterly oblivious to the swirling maelstrom that surrounded her in the mechanical hornet’s nest of Hanoi’s roadways.

“Honestly, I just assumed that the weather had changed and that’s why so many people were angry today,” said a decidedly innocent sounding Nguyen, “I got fined once, for speeding, which was strange because I was parked and nowhere near my bike, but since then I’ve been petrified of traffic law enforcement to the point where I drive like a sane human being.”

Less than affectionately referred to as ‘Pikachu’ the beige-clad traffic cops of Hanoi have for the most part taken a more vested interest in completing Candy Crush than doing much else in Vietnam’s capital.

Nevertheless, in a bid to retain their meagre salary, the majority of Pikachus on duty have made a habit of ensuring that anyone abiding by the law of the land is swiftly reminded that rules were meant to be broken.

 “We’re here to ensure that drivers can operate safely on the roads of this glorious city,” claimed one officer who wished to remain anonymous, “That’s why we strike down those who present a threat to others swiftly and fairly – it just so happens that those threats are usually the minority of people following traffic laws.”

At press time Nguyen was being treated for injuries received following a vicious attack from a fellow motorist with no concept of personal space.

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