Local man’s phone wallpaper just local man’s face

Đống Đa, Hanoi – While interviewing local man, Mặty McMặt-Mặt about something trivial enough to be printed in Vietnam, a reporter for The Durian today stumbled across something far more newsworthy upon realising that Mặty’s phone wallpaper is simply a photo of Mặty staring back at himself.

Dropping whatever inferior topic that The Durian sent him to cover, our fearless reporter dove right into this salacious news-cycle-consuming story with the reckless abandon of a fat nephew attacking a wedding cake.

“I dunno, I never really thought about it, but there is something comforting about seeing myself staring back at me,” explained Mặty, whose physical face blushed slightly, giving our reporter a clear indication of who was the real Mặty and who was merely phone Mặty.

“It’s just never really bothered me and there’s something depressing about all those beautiful scenic images of places I’ve never been to, especially when you work in telecoms,” he added balefully.

Witnesses at the scene reported that Mặty was gazing contemplatively at his phone, from which Mặty unflinchingly stared back as our reporter dutifully ordered the beers necessary to make a story out of this.

“I guess if I had a girlfriend, a pet, close family ties or even a precious moment from my 32 years of life that I’d like to savour every day, then perhaps I wouldn’t just have my own gormless mug staring back at me, but as things stand, it’s just good to see proof of my own existence,” sighed the unmarried, generally lonesome IT engineer with no hobbies.

When probed further on this, Mặty noted that there was that one time that Kha Banh and his gang pushed in front of him at an American fast food outlet, but confessed that, actually, the experience was mildly traumatising and he had no wish to relive it every single time he picked up his phone.

While The Durian, experts and, indeed, anyone with eyes in their head can see the prevalence of Vietnamese phone owners who choose to decorate their phones with lacklustre photos of their own face, no clear link has yet been found between such behaviour and the crushing sensation of leading an utterly, devastatingly bland life.

More on this story when something worthy of a Facebook profile picture transpires during the remnants of Mặty's unfulfilling life.