Unqualified ESL teachers complain about unqualified waiter - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Unqualified ESL teachers complain about unqualified waiter

Tây Hồ, Hanoi – Gathered at their weekly Tuesday “brunch ‘n’ bitch” a nubile gaggle of English teachers has today turned their forked tongues on an unsuspecting waiter at House 37 after the insightful gang of perceived flaws in their server’s training.

The giggling, mewling bundles of depressingly well-paid white flesh were sighted slapping one another on the back and loudly deriding their server’s ability to perform his job, apparently ignorant to the fact that they would be considered as unemployable as strategically shaven apes anywhere else in the world.

“Why’s he just hovering there, like, it’s so basic – I can hear him breathing,” one shrill, reality TV reject was heard saying, without a second thought to the questionable legality of their own employment.

Armed with 120 hour TEFL certificates downloaded from Groupon, the unidentified guffawing chumps remained oblivious to their own distinct unsuitability for any role in the education sector as they whooped and hooted over their waiter’s accent. Sources close to these swaggering bunch of entitled guff-bags confirmed that none of the would-be educators have mastered a second language well enough to work in a cafe.

“But like seriously,” stated one deadpan clump of British molecules, “I could do a better job than this clown [their waiter] with my eyes closed and my testicles caught in a vice,” however experts consulted by The Durian suggest that said clod would be lucky not to be shot on site if they ever faced the scrutiny of a legitimate education regulator.

Following their completely irony-free critiques of another human’s professionalism, the self-proclaimed “Brunch Bitches” went on to order another round of Bloody Marys before concocting an elaborate scheme that would get them out of their afternoon classes.

“Like, I feel bad cause like, it’s $25 that I’ll lose,” weighed in one teacher with the entitlement of a Babylonian prince crossbred with a Kardashian, “But I really can’t be fucked with working on a Saturday,” apparently applying a higher standard to an 18-year-old waiter than he does his own career.

Observers were able to confirm that none of the offending gang endure more than three hours of a work per day and have, in the process, frittered away their chances of a meaningful career in a typically ignorant manner.

With their evisceration of Hanoi's service industry standards over and the Bloody Marys drained, the directionless 20-something-year-olds squabbled over the bill before mounting their school-provided motorbikes to speed off into an unsullied sunset of another “sick” day that sources later confirmed the group would squander as frivolously as they would the rest of their lives.

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