Hanoi-based ESL teacher outsmarts 97 percent of climate scientists - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Hanoi-based ESL teacher outsmarts 97 percent of climate scientists

Predictably, Tây Hồ, Hanoi – Following a few choice words from a 16-year-old Swedish girl on the topic of global warming, netizens of Vietnam have descended – once more – into the sort of cannibalistic frenzy that even piranhas look down on.

Fortunately for the Vietnam-based owners of eyeballs and Facebook accounts, local Heads, Shoulders, Knees & Toes conductor and self-proclaimed language teacher Daniel Grotto has today shamed the world’s scientific community into silence with his vastly superior understanding of issues pertaining to climate science.

This incredible story of David – or rather Daniel – versus Goliath saw Grotto take on 97 percent of the world’s leading climate experts, who agree that human behaviour is invariably contributing to global warming, and remarkably, despite his decidedly useless degree in Life Studies from the esteemed School of Hard Knocks, Grotto came off the victor.

The PowerPoint mastermind and long-term ESL lackey has previously vocalised his support for U.S. president and tangerine buffoon, Donald Trump, despite Grotto lacking the necessary passport required to vote in American elections.

The 44-year-old Canadian thoughtfully rallied his cognitive capabilities against the decades of extensive research conducted by people employed in specific field of researching climatology and environmental sciences.

“Greta’s just a puppet,” sneered Grotto, content in his ignorance of Trump’s appointing of numerous fossil fuel puppets like Secretary of Energy and the largest hamster to ever fit in a suit, Rick Perry, to run his administration.

“I just don’t get why glorious Emperor God-Trump didn’t put her in a cage with all the other children he disagrees with,” said a confused Grotto, in an apparent reference to the 74 percent rise in border prosecutions that occurred following then Attorney General Jeff Sessions, shortly before Sessions attempted suicide by marijuana.

“He would’ve just grabbed her by the pussy and slam-dunked her into an ICE detention centre,” added Grotto, who despite having a 28 year head-start is still less employable than the average 16-year-old.

The wise words of Grotto sparked the hanging of heads in shame among the global scientific community who, now, following Grotto’s midnight Facebook posts where he decried global warming as a hoax, would need to rethink every single peer-reviewed article written, every hour spent studying to further their understanding and every single time they had pitted their wits against the mighty intellectual prowess of an ESL teacher in Vietnam.

“Anyone who relies on teenagers is a fucking moron,” gloated the man whose salary literally relies upon teenagers.

“All these Western liberal cucks whining about climate change after they flew to Vietnam is ridiculous,” dribbled Grotto, who himself spends every waking hour of his existence following American politics via Breitbart and other semi-literate outlets.

“The best part is, if I’m right and climate change is a hoax, I can brag on Facebook and if I’m wrong and the earth is catastrophically doomed through the misuse of finite resources, then I’ll be dead before the apocalyptic rioting engulfs Hanoi – it’s a win-win!” grinned Grotto as he donned his 3M pollution mask and drove off into the smoggy sunset, apparently needing to get home to record another YouTube vlog to his two subscribers.

More on this story as more grown men get angry at being told off by a child.

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