Heart-warming: Young buffalo makes grandma breakfast after night of meth-fuelled vehicular crimes - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


Home Top Ad

Responsive Ads Here

Heart-warming: Young buffalo makes grandma breakfast after night of meth-fuelled vehicular crimes

Long Biên, Hanoi – In scenes of uncharacteristic heart-tickling sweetness, ruffian, yobbo and committed Trẻ Trâu, Nguyen Kẻ Xấu returned home at approximately 6.15am following a long night of drug-spangled criminal capers just to make his beloved Bà breakfast.

The self-proclaimed young buffalo had spent the night cavorting around with a disparate band of Hanoi’s wasted youth, all sporting various tasteful Playboy tattoos, cockatoo haircuts and a lust for life that would make Iggy Pop turn in his eventual grave.

But while his gang of malnourished ragamuffins went home to polish their gaudy bling, take topless selfies and presumably try not to cry while failing to masturbate as the cheap meth they’d all enjoyed hours earlier rendered their dicks a sorry sight of lifeless, flaccid jokes, Nguyen instead used his amphetamine granted powers to whip up a delightful breakfast for his dear Granny.

“It’s just amazing that he can walk in the door at this hour, with all that energy, after such a long night studying with his friends,” exclaimed an overjoyed Bà Nguyen, as her grandson frantically dashed around the kitchen in a cold sweat.

“And then he goes and does something so sweet like this?” she added.

Younger siblings of the adorable little gangster watched on with a curious mix of horror and bemusement, immediately noticing their brother’s engorged pupils and the way his jaw was going round like a washing machine full of teeth.

“I’ve got to admit though, he’s not slept – just an hour ago, he was probably pulling wheelies to get away from the cops and trying to steal beer from Circle J, but his craftsmanship on that bánh cuốn is legit masterful,” chuckled 16-year-old Nguyen Khỉ Táo Bạo as he watched the drugs whirl his older brother around the family kitchen.

“I mean seriously, he can barely see right now – he’s been cockeyed since he got in, but you’d barely know from the way he handles the rice sheets, just stunning really.”

To go from the pounding bass of yet another night dancing to Vinahouse in various states of undress to slaving selflessly away in the kitchen for his family not only shows the tender side of Nguyen who, just four hours earlier, was beating the living shit out of a karaoke waiter, but it also reminds us all of the power of family bonds.

“To tell the truth, we were going to slap that boy into shape,” admits beaming father, Nguyen Thiết Quyền.

“Between the mullet and the faux-hard-man tattoos, I always assumed we'd have to have him put down, but seeing him at work in the kitchen this morning – I think I’ll save the beatings for another day,” Nguyen confides.

When approached for comment on his benevolent behaviour, Nguyen Kẻ Xấu simply spat at our reporter, saying he’d got “a hot bitch” upstairs and that was who the food is for.

1 comment: