Report: Pikachu used electric baton, it’s super effective! - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Report: Pikachu used electric baton, it’s super effective!

Hoàn Kiếm, Hanoi – Wild spectators appeared today to cheer on what has been described by nerds and Weeaboos alike as the nation’s Pokémon battle of the decade, when a level 38 Pikachu took on a wild Drunk Tây, level 27, on Yên Phụ raceway in the Vietnamese capital.

Stunning scenes conjured up that sweet, heady 90s nostalgia as Pikachu performed a flawless “Disinterested Guard” on the infamous Yên Phụ raceway, which in turn startled a wild Drunk Tây and prompted this morning’s epic PokéBattle.

Atop his fourth or fifth-hand Honda Win, the wild Drunk Tây in question was reported to have used “Law-abiding Speed” and shifted down into third gear, with onlookers speculating that he planned to double down into a fearsome “No Helmet, No Fear” combo with a deftly timed “Inebriated Swerve” – but The Durian’s PokéCorrespondent confirmed that the level 38 Pikachu was seen to be powering up his signature “Electric Baton” well in advance.

White, intoxicated, hairless and careless, the Drunk Tây was swiftly brought down by Pikachu’s “Electric Baton” in what sources declared “a critical hit,” noting that it was in fact “super effective.”

Lurching from the pavement, Drunk Tây – in a desperate bid for survival when faced with an infinitely superior Pokémon – tried to use “I can't speak Vietnamese,” although those familiar with the matter confirmed that it failed, given that Pikachu had learned basic English at level 22.

Reports from local media suggest that Pikachu used “Stern Face” to subdue the wild Drunk Tây, bringing it to the brink of passing out, before capturing the foreigner and impounding his bike with a well-tossed Pokéball.

Moments before the lid sealed on the wild Drunk Tây’s fate, witnessed reported seeing the enfeebled beast attempt to use “No Health Insurance” before collapsing from his wounds.

This racks up the 374th consecutive win for esteemed Pokémon trainer, Hanoi Police Force, who just last month earned the fabled Train Street Badge by defeating countless wild tourists.

More on this story when The Durian’s Gameboy Colour is next switched on.

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