Bank teller will need copy of your cycling proficiency certificate to process that request, sir

Hai Bà Trưng, Hanoi – A local bank teller was recently taken aback when an expat customer failed to provide the documentation required to see a copy of his bank statements.

Trinh Mai Mi, a WankBank employee in Hanoi, was last week asked by an anonymous British customer for copies of his bank statements, reportedly so he could take a picture of the first and only time he would have a bank balance of seven digits.

“He seemed to be in a strange mood and wasn’t very patient; he was staring angrily from the waiting area at me while I played my 2pm game of Candy Crush, as if I had something better to do or something,” an exasperated Trinh told The Durian.

Things only grew stranger after Trinh explained to the customer that he had insufficient evidence the bank account was his.

“He provided his passport, visa, a utility bill, his blood type, showed me his debit card, a letter from his doctor attesting his blood pressure was low enough to enjoy our services and a copy of his favourite book The Trial, but he’d forgotten his cycling proficiency certificate!” Trinh recalled.

The bank teller said she explained to the furious Brit that a recent policy change meant all foreign WankBank customers had to provide evidence of their ability to safely operate a bicycle when requesting three months or more of bank statements.

“He then started screaming about bureaucracy, how cycling had nothing to do with bank statements and how unfair the situation was, which was absurd, seeing as we sent a 1,000-word text message to his phone number at 6am on October 23^rd explaining the policy change in simple Vietnamese,” Trinh said.

Trinh noted the customer expressed some interest in closing his account, but left loudly and angrily after she told him he would need to provide a notarised copy of his great grandfather’s dog’s birth certificate to do so.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.