Hanoi all-female Nijutsu tournament kicks off - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Hanoi all-female Nijutsu tournament kicks off

Cầu Giấy, Hanoi - The Hanoi all-female ninjutsu tournament opens for its fourth round this Friday, after last year’s champion Nguyen Thi Linh put down challenger, Pham Thuy Ngoc, in epic qualifying rounds earlier this summer.

The much anticipated final round of the martial arts tournament is the talk of the town, and commuters will notice the abundance of middle aged women hastily making their way to practice, proudly donning their ninjutsu attire while stretching their legs out to the side of their motorbikes in preparation.

“Driving to training while wearing my ninjutsu gear makes people steer clear of me in traffic,” says Ms. Hoang, a newfound practitioner of ninjutsu. “They stay away because they know I can do serious damage.”

Ninjutsu claims to be a martial art and originates from Japan, where no one with any sense participates because it’s complete bullshit.

The martial-art-come-dance-form was later adopted by dangerous all-female Vietnamese motorcycle gangs, who rode around the capital causing havoc on their Honda Lead motorcycles in the early 2010s.

Alongside engaging in combat with rival gang members, it’s believed that the gangs adopted ninjutsu as a means of warding off Chinese spies that were sent to infiltrate them with a vision to convince rogue members to sell illegally imported fruits, with durians reportedly among the batches intercepted by the gangs.

Now, almost a decade later, the fighting style is rarely seen being used outside of the dojo, or on the television during the annual tournament.

The Durian caught up with ninjutsu master Ms. Den (Ms. Black) in a dojo in Cầu Giấy District, which doubles up as a Zumba studio on weekends.

“We don’t advocate using violence,” says Ms. Den, whose anonymity was guaranteed by a Hello Kitty facemask, “But some do find our presence too intimidating to bear – you can really see the influence the marital art has on those who practice it,” she adds.

“They nudge forwards fearlessly into oncoming traffic, with no visible signs of concern for their own safety, or any consideration for those they’re blatantly cutting off.”

“They’re a force to be reckoned with,” Ms Den says, while slowly disappearing backwards into a hedge, keeping fixed eye contact with our reporter.

At press time our reporter couldn’t be reached by any conventional means of communication and his whereabouts remains unknown.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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