Cầu Giấy, Hanoi - The Hanoi
all-female ninjutsu tournament opens
for its fourth round this Friday, after last year’s champion Nguyen Thi Linh
put down challenger, Pham Thuy Ngoc, in epic qualifying rounds earlier this
summer.
The much
anticipated final round of the martial arts tournament is the talk of the town,
and commuters will notice the abundance of middle aged women hastily making
their way to practice, proudly donning their ninjutsu attire while stretching
their legs out to the side of their motorbikes in preparation.
“Driving to training
while wearing my ninjutsu gear makes
people steer clear of me in traffic,” says Ms. Hoang, a
newfound practitioner of ninjutsu. “They stay away because they know I can do
serious damage.”
Ninjutsu claims
to be a martial art and originates from Japan, where no one with any sense participates
because it’s complete bullshit.
The
martial-art-come-dance-form was later adopted by dangerous all-female
Vietnamese motorcycle gangs, who rode around the capital causing havoc on their
Honda Lead motorcycles in the early 2010s.
Alongside
engaging in combat with rival gang members, it’s believed that the gangs
adopted ninjutsu as a means of warding off Chinese spies that were
sent to infiltrate them with a vision to convince rogue members to sell
illegally imported fruits, with durians reportedly among the batches
intercepted by the gangs.
Now, almost a
decade later, the fighting style is rarely seen being used outside of the dojo,
or on the television during the annual tournament.
The Durian
caught up with ninjutsu master Ms.
Den (Ms. Black) in a dojo in Cầu Giấy
District, which doubles up as a Zumba
studio on weekends.
“We don’t
advocate using violence,” says Ms. Den, whose anonymity was guaranteed by a
Hello Kitty facemask, “But some do find our presence too intimidating to bear –
you can really see the influence the marital art has on those who practice it,”
she adds.
“They nudge
forwards fearlessly into oncoming traffic, with no visible signs of concern for
their own safety, or any consideration for those they’re blatantly cutting off.”
“They’re a force
to be reckoned with,” Ms Den says, while slowly disappearing backwards into a
hedge, keeping fixed eye contact with our reporter.
At press time
our reporter couldn’t be reached by any conventional means of communication and
his whereabouts remains unknown.
The Durian is a
satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed
only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely
coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing
out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.
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