Karaoke Hopeful terrorises bleary-eyed audience with 7am street performance - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Karaoke Hopeful terrorises bleary-eyed audience with 7am street performance

Ba Đình, Hanoi – Shuffling through the streets at dawn while lugging his less than portable PA system, a local karaoke hopeful has stunned the residents of a small Ba Đình neighbourhood by belting out an unintelligible rendition of a song that, according to sources, consisted only of tortured vowels and relied heavily on an echo-effect emanating from the microphone.

A bloodthirsty red-eyed crowd arose from their beds irate shortly after 7am this morning as the melancholic melody of an unknown karaoke enthusiast shattered the early morning peace of the otherwise suburban community.

Colloquially dubbed “Not that twat again,” little appears to be known of the daybreak diva’s identity. Enraged local resident, Nguyen Thanh, confirmed that this was not the first time that his sleep had been brought to an abrupt end by the musical menace. 

“Will our home never be set free from the tuneless tyranny of this ass-hat? What kind of monster would unleash such an auditory assault on us at such a godless hour – and while wearing wrap-around sunglasses to boot?”

Fellow resident of the afflicted Ba Đình neighbourhood, Hoang Linh agrees. 

“We all love a good bit of the old karaoke, my man can’t resist a bit of Shania Twain when he’s had a few, but competing with the chained up dogs and the construction crew at that hour, it’s just too much.”

Speculating on the psychology of a man determined to bring his X Factor audition to a live bedbound audience at 7am, Hoang continued, “He sounded like a guinea pig that had been stepped on – it didn’t sound like he was too happy about it either, there was certainly an attempt at expressing some sort of soul-consuming spiritual, emotional anguish, but it was a bit early in the morning for anyone to give a shit.”

At press time the anonymous karaoke singer fled the scene some 20 minutes into his performance after being pelted with clump after clump of human faeces. 

More on this story as it develops.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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