The bustling office in the city centre has only been
populated by app-cum-mobile games developer, T1M3 K1LLA$ since April this year,
but for many of the staff working there today, that’s already too soon to witness
a casualty in the workplace.
During the authorised one and a half hour lunch
break, the office was reportedly alive with the sounds of jocular camaraderie
and eager chewing, but a routinely scheduled nap quickly got out of hand when
colleagues noticed that Nguyen still hadn’t lifted his head from his desk
almost an hour after lunch had ended.
Choking back tears, Tran Van Viet, a senior app developer
famed for his involvement in the now viral Goat Simulator 4 game, stated that
his colleague Nguyen had seemed fine throughout lunch.
“It all felt so normal – he absolutely inhaled his cơm gà. I
just don’t understand how such a promising young man could be struck down in
his prime like this, I know the weather’s changed, but this is just a huge,
huge blow.”
Sources close to Nguyen confirmed that his final lunch was
indeed a run of the mill ingestion experience, one that involved gorging
rapidly on rice and chicken, staring abjectly at his phone in silence for some
time before descending into slumber on his desk.
“He was so full of life, he
just – he had so much more to give!” added Tran.
Dishevelled and distraught, Khanh Quinh, co-worker and
sharer of Nguyen’s desk, spoke to The Durian to recount finding an unresponsive
Nguyen face down next to his laptop.
“The lights came up and we all got back to work, but there
was Hoang, still napping and I knew that he liked his naps, then I thought maybe
it was down to the change in weather and that he was just extra tired or even
that it might be a joke or something, but then when he wouldn’t wake up, it was
just horrific.”
“I thought about trying to shake him,” finding the courage
to go on despite herself, Khanh continued, “But y’know, boys are pretty gross,
so I called a supervisor and now this,” motioning at Nguyen’s still form that,
throughout the afternoon, hadn’t budged from his office napping position.
As cleaners diligently discarded empty Red Bull cans that
had littered his workspace, a beaming Nguyen flashed our reporter a grin, “Is
it working?” he whispered “I fucking hate this job.”
At press time, we understand that a dedicated Nguyen kept us his act through two candlelit vigils, an ambulance ride to the morgue and his
own autopsy.
The Durian is a
satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed
only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely
coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing
out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.
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