Send not to know for whom the horn honks, for it honks for you - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News

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Send not to know for whom the horn honks, for it honks for you

Ba Đình, Hanoi - Advising Hanoians not to turn around to enquire as to who is honking their horn, nor try to ascertain whether or not the aforementioned horn is perhaps honking for you, a report from the Institute of Road Safety stated on Tuesday that the horn is indeed honking for you.

In a provision of sagely guidance to Hanoi’s motorists, the report also detailed that it mattered not whether you’re safely housed within a four-wheeled behemoth trundling down the narrow roads of the Vietnamese capital or whether you’re deftly careening from the furthest-left lane to make a tight right turn on one of 6.1 million motorbikes in the city, the horn is almost indubitably honking for you.
 
While critics of the report have cited that indeed, there are those who warrant no such honking of horns, the Institute of Road Safety’s report declares that any attempt to discern whether or not the horn is honking for you would be both foolish and myopic, given that the mortal bonds that bind us all will surely be loosed by the honking of a horn, for it is the fate of all Hanoians enciphered in this flesh to hear that familiar honking of the horn. 

Furthermore, the report stated that it would be far more advisable in the interest of safety to maintain a fixed gaze away from any fellow motorists who may be attempting to garner your attention and that as a means to project a nigh-constant sense of common understanding of the principles of the horn, Hanoians should universally leave the left indicator blinking irrespective of whether or not the driver has any intention of turning left, right or stopping to take a phone call.

The report concluded that no amount of horn honking would ever alter the outright fucking uselessness of 98% of Hanoi’s motorists.


The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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