In a provision of sagely
guidance to Hanoi’s motorists, the report also detailed that it mattered not
whether you’re safely housed within a four-wheeled behemoth trundling down the
narrow roads of the Vietnamese capital or whether you’re deftly careening from
the furthest-left lane to make a tight right turn on one of 6.1 million
motorbikes in the city, the horn is almost indubitably honking for you.
While critics of the report have cited that
indeed, there are those who warrant no such honking of horns, the Institute of
Road Safety’s report declares that any attempt to discern whether or not the
horn is honking for you would be both foolish and myopic, given that the mortal
bonds that bind us all will surely be loosed by the honking of a horn, for it
is the fate of all Hanoians enciphered in this flesh to hear that familiar
honking of the horn.
Furthermore, the report stated that it would be far more
advisable in the interest of safety to maintain a fixed gaze away from any
fellow motorists who may be attempting to garner your attention and that as a
means to project a nigh-constant sense of common understanding of the
principles of the horn, Hanoians should universally leave the left indicator
blinking irrespective of whether or not the driver has any intention of turning
left, right or stopping to take a phone call.
The report concluded that no amount of horn honking would
ever alter the outright fucking uselessness of 98% of Hanoi’s motorists.
The Durian is a
satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed
only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely
coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing
out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.
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