Unmarried 28-year-old woman sent to glue factory - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News

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Unmarried 28-year-old woman sent to glue factory


Cầu Giấy, Hanoi – Family sources have today confirmed that local bachelorette, Tran Trang Chi, will
be sent to the glue factory later this month, following 28 years of failing to find a husband.

The decision was made for Chi by her parents, who insist their unconditional love for their daughter
leaves having her connective tissue boiled down to make glue as the only option.

“While obviously, this was never going to be an easy decision to make,” said father, Tran Thanh, “It
was one that we felt was right for Chi – what use is there in this world for an unmarried 28-year-old
woman anyway?”

“Personally, I feel she’s spent too much time, not to mention money, on her education. What did
anyone ever learn at university that their husband couldn’t have told them?” he added.

Having attained a Bachelor of Languages from the prestigious Hanoi-based RMIT University and an
MA in Linguistics from Cornell University in New York, Chi has enjoyed a vibrant career working with the Institute of Applied Pedagogy, where she is researching educational approaches to students with special education needs.

“It’s really a big blow for the family,” continued Chi’s father, “We expected so much from her and
she just has so little to show for it and time is running out, as she gets older, we just can’t see her
being capable of giving much more to society. She’ll be able to offer much more as glue for a
mechanic than she ever could by helping autistic children integrate into society.”

“The sell-by-date on her as wife-material has long since passed,” echoed Chi’s mother, Nguyen Bich
Ngoc, “She’s already 28 and, as much as it kills me to ship her off to the glue factory like some
broken down pack-mule, we’d be deeply suspicious of any man desperate enough to marry her
now.”

Speaking with The Durian while her parents organised a gathering of the extended family to
celebrate or commiserate, Chi stated, “This is such fucking bullshit.”

“Just because I want to do more with my life than boil chicken, wash clothes and fire tiny humans
out of myself – which, hey, if you’re happy with that, good for you, but I’m not – I still don’t think
that means I need to be euthanised.”

Having lived independently for the last half decade, Chi disclosed plans to move to Ho Chi Minh City before her scheduled trip to the glue factory.

Fighting back tears, her parents were preparing to transfer their affections to Chi’s siblings, stating
that, although it was a difficult time for the family, there was still some hope for Chi’s younger
brother, Tran Trong Minh, who, at 21, already has a promising career in League of Legends and a
girlfriend in Australia that the family will meet “soon, I promise.”



The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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