Bus Driver cranks up volume on EDM as journey enters thirteenth hour - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Bus Driver cranks up volume on EDM as journey enters thirteenth hour

Hà Đông, Hanoi – Hurtling towards Hanoi at some 140kmp/h, bus driver Le Tuan Trong determined
that as his bone-rattling journey from Hue entered its thirteenth hour, now – more than ever – was
the right time to really crank up the EDM that had been blaring non-stop since they left the ancient

With Hanoi in the headlights, a Red Bull in hand and his bloodstream polluted with narcotics that
would’ve put even a young Mick Jagger in a wooden box, Le felt a sudden surge of energy that
spurred him to double the volume on his favourite EDM playlist.

Despite enduring almost thirteen full hours of blaring tunes that could at best be described as the
last mournful shrieks of R2-D2 being thrown into a house fire, Le was eager to share his intoxicated
love for the Hanoian EDM scene with everyone on the bus.

“This one’s for you at the back!” Le reportedly yelled. Sources confined to the bus confirmed that Le
continued to chuckle maniacally as a grotesque slab of sunburnt American flesh rose from the
depths of a pharmaceutically-induced slumber to emit something approaching English.

With the bass speakers pumping away like a quarterback on prom night, the American’s Diazepam-
sodden slur of a complaint escaped the ears of Le, who was occupied trying to Facetime his cousin
while navigating the perils of the road.

Complaining to our reporter that tonight’s passengers were a bunch of nanny-state, soggy-bottomed
buzzkills, Le went on to express his vehement disgust with the distinct lack of vibe and/or dancing,
before swerving to avoid a motorcyclist and her child.

While none of the passengers screamed when Le asked our reporter to take the wheel so he could
stretch his legs, his decision to urinate out of the door of the moving bus was met with open disdain
from the few passengers dumb enough to have not drugged themselves into a temporary coma for
the duration of their nightmarish voyage back to the Vietnamese capital.

Neither the scowls of jabbering passengers nor the smattering of urine that he’d sprayed into the
stairwell by the door of his bus could bring Le down, who smiled as the bright lights of Hanoi came
looming forth from the smog, flying past his glossy eyes in perfect time with the latest interminable
EDM beat.

When the journey finally came to a screeching halt, so too did Le’s musical adventure. An audible
sigh of collective relief escaped the passengers, as did the tortured screams of a cyclist who’d been
caught in Le’s wheel-arch for the last 5km of the journey.

At press time, Le was reportedly sinking a few beers with fellow drivers in the car park,
contemplating moving into the aviation game for a well-known Vietnamese airline.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.


  1. He thought avoiding the 4AM traffic jams by dropping the tourists 16 kilometers from the city center at an unofficial bus station was a smart move, but then again he was awfully surprised by the reactions and the complains from these so called adventurers, even though he warned beforehand his friend Nguyen Minh, who was impatiently waiting there with his unlicenced Grab outfit.