"I paid 10K more than the locals!" moans man earning $1,500p/m in job he's not qualified for

Tây Hồ, because where fucking else would this happen, Hanoi – Local wank-stain, resident ass-hat and all-round buffoon of an English teacher, Dereck Robinson, has today mustered the audacity to utter a whimpering complaint about his remarkably pampered existence in Hanoi.

“So I was queuing up to pay for my phở bò, and this jackass in front, he pays 40,000 VND and then, this bitch, she charges me 50,000 VND – this is a bigger outrage than that thing with the Hutus,” claimed Robinson to nobody in particular.

In between hurling insults towards the utterly unflappable and downright amused owner of the phở restaurant, Robinson, spaffed out another grunt of white Judaeo-Christian ignorance as he proclaimed he had been overcharged.

“Absolute daylight robbery,” said the man earning $1,500 per month as an English teacher, a position he remains entirely unqualified for.

Having completed two out of three years of Bible Studies at the “University” of Wisconsin, Robinson has overcome his complete professional failure to go on to defraud the Vietnamese education system, bringing much pride to his bible-belt family – the kind of people who all look like they’re fucking each other in family portraits.

Earning almost 10 times the average wage in Vietnam, Robinson, 35 took it upon himself to embarrass all rational Caucasians more than any Michael Bay movie has managed as yet.

He did so by whingeing about being mildly short-changed in a world where his pathetic, liquid-shit-dribbling white ass has arbitrarily given him a truly undeserved leg-up.

“These locals, they think we’re just some market to be exploited, some quarry to be harvested, but we are [mostly] white middle-class Christians, and should be treated accordingly. What did we ever do to the Vietnamese?” complained Robinson with an impressive lack of self-awareness.

Hardly the first American to get his comeuppance in Vietnam, Robinson continued to spout drivel about the “principle of the matter” and “the absolute equity of the market economy” before slinking off to his favourite Australian-owned eggs benedict and mimosa dispensary.

“I’m reinvesting my earnings into this economy,” lied Robinson, “I find it outrageous and downright racist that I should be forced to suffer the indignity of being ripped off in a language I don’t speak, in a country I don’t belong in.”

At press time, Robinson was reportedly advertising his services as an English tutor for an hourly rate of $30 – his post had 13 comments, mostly from people flaunting their modicum of self-awareness and comparing Robinson’s usefulness to that of a barbed dildo.

The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.