Nation’s air conditioners gearing up for seasonal work - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News

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Nation’s air conditioners gearing up for seasonal work




Ba Đình, Hanoi – With the early onsets of summer already scorching shadows onto the pavements of Hanoi in sweltering scenes reminiscent of an atom bombing, Vietnam’s air conditioners are readying themselves for another gruelling summer of seasonal work.

‘Tis the season where expats are reduced to bubbling puddles of sunburnt flesh and locals shrug under slightly lighter garments, but this year’s melting point was reached somewhat earlier than usual, prompting panic among the air conditioner community.

“Obviously, I’m not going to complain – work is work after all,” one disgruntled Samsung AR09JPFSAWK Wall-mount AC stated, “But I had to scramble to get back in time, I’d booked a holiday in Da Lat, just for a bit of me time, so it was a bit disappointing to be summoned back to Hanoi on such short notice.”

“I didn’t even get to go canyoning in the end,” the wall-mounted absolute unit lamented.

But not all of Hanoi’s air conditioner community were so put out by the sudden heatwave.

“Honestly, this couldn’t have come at a better time for me,” confessed a Nordyne 16 SEER 2 Ton R410-A, “I’ve been working for peanuts out in Thailand while it was low season back here – it doesn’t help that my product series has been discontinued – so I’m just really grateful for the work to come back so early, I had a kid with a dishwasher that I’m trying to put through university.”

While experts have noted that Hanoi’s most recent heatwave may just be the passing of warmer fronts, with the city expected to return to more hospitable temperatures soon, there is no denying that summer is coming.

“Even if this heat doesn’t last, it’s a good trial run for the nation’s air conditioners,” explained air conditioner technician and AC Watchdog Chief, Giữ Bình Tĩnh.

“For those reading, now is the time to ensure that your AC is fully-functional – those who wait until the height of summer to test their units will have to make the shame-faced, sweat-sodden trot to the repair shop where they will be rightly ridiculed like the simpering idiots they are,” Giữ confirmed.

Vietnam’s air conditioner community is also split on the causes of this sudden skin-melting heat, with numerous units pointing towards global warming as the clear explanation for the nation recording its hottest ever temperature, but some of the more outspoken AC units remain sceptical, suggesting that anyone who believes in such an obvious Obama-funded conspiracy is a liberal cuck-tard and needs to sack up and sweat it out.

The debate, sadly, continues.


The Durian is a satirical news outlet, all of our stories are completely fictional, designed only to amuse and entertain. Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental and in no way intended to hurt your feelings. Sorry for pointing out the obvious, but there’s an abundance of humourless morons out there.

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