Modern-day Moses parts sea of motorbikes - The Durian - Hanoi's Smelliest News


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Modern-day Moses parts sea of motorbikes

Hoàn Kiếm, Hanoi – A group of Western tourists have today witnessed what they described as a “miracle” when a modern-day Moses strolled casually into traffic, appearing to part the sea of motorbikes that sped around him from all directions.

Onlooker and professional seeker of faces in toast, Bob Grotto, reported the incident to Hanoi’s Ministry of Miraculous Obscurity, after he and his family watched at first in horror and then in disbelief as a man strode straight into a vehicular onslaught typical of the Old Quarter.

Grotto, 47, stated “He had this weird light shining around him, like you knew that – contrary to all the evidence around him – he wouldn’t get as much as a scratch on him.”

“Just when you think the good Lord has provided us bountifully in the saving grace of President Trump and his benevolent imprisonment of children, then this goes and happens!” added Grotto before detailing that this was indeed his first time out of his native Virginia, USA.

The report filed with the Ministry of Miraculous Obscurity noted that the purported miracle-maker was a white male, aged anywhere between 25 and 45-years-old and “alarmingly hirsute for this time of year.”

It is believed that the combination of the man’s facial hair and aptitude for crossing roads in Hanoi led to Grotto and his family to cross the Long Biên Bridge in search of snakes to handle. While Grotto’s wife, Sandra, was later hospitalised after being repeatedly bitten, the Ministry of Miraculous Obscurity is said to be investigating.

The man who sparked all of today’s liturgical lunacy was later identified by The Durian’s chief social butterfly as Dave “That Bloke with the Beard” Parker.

Further correspondence with the Ministry confirmed that the report detailed an allusion to a “burning bush” that was later established to be marijuana.

Parker, a 28-year-old British ESL teacher, had been on his way to blaze with his regular dealer at the time of his alleged miraculous performance.

When reached for comment, Parker denied all knowledge of his prophetic deeds or of marijuana’s legal status in Vietnam.

“What the fuck are you on about? I’ve got a class to get to and I’m baked as fuck,” said the man off to make $25 for an hour of educating children on the virtues of ice cream.

Today’s misdiagnosis of an everyday occurrence for a modern miracle comes fresh off the back of last month’s biblical blunder following an American expat convinced he could turn water into rice wine. He is reportedly still undergoing treatment to recover his eyesight.

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