Left-hand lane voted best place to turn right

Hoàn Kiếm, Hanoi – The Ministry of Roadway Optimal National Safety (MORONS) today published findings from a recent survey that highlighted the Vietnamese proclivity for turning right from the 

left-hand lane.

The report entitled “National Study of Driver Safety Awareness” concluded that not only was veering across multiple lanes in order to make a turn commonplace, but genuinely preferred and enjoyed by the nation’s road warriors.

Surveying over 32,000 drivers from the nation’s capital, the report went on to detail that turning blindly into oncoming traffic was most frequently enjoyed when the motorist’s turn signal was blinking in the opposite direction to their turn.

Among questions asked via the online survey, spokesperson for the MORONS, Nguyen An Toàn revealed the methodology for the comprehensively damning results.

“Well obviously there were simple questions, multiple choice and what have you – on a scale of one to five how likely are you to even twist your neck just a little to see if an 18-wheel juggernaut is rapidly approaching from behind you, right the way through to more complex questions that allowed road users to grapple with the more existential elements of driving.

“On average we found that those surveyed overwhelmingly believe that their children are more likely to become brain-damaged through wearing a helmet too small for their skull than crashing into an oncoming bus,” he said.

Nguyen went on to detail the universally accepted truth that protection of one’s skin from the sun is of far greater importance than any semblance of spatial awareness that might prevent one from becoming a meaty stain on a lonesome stretch of road.

Speaking with The Durian, local motorist and hospital-bed expert, Tổn Thương Não, expressed his concern for the sheer volume of Vietnamese road users who he is yet to injure, maim or kill with his reckless manoeuvres.

“It just makes me sick that all these people think it’s perfectly acceptable to cut across lanes to make a turn,” he said, “It’s precisely this sort of thoughtlessness that gives drivers like me – who’re skilled enough to get away with that sort of driving – a bad name. Hanging’s too good for some of these drivers.

“Honestly, everyone else is a complete and utter dribbling fuckwit on the roads – everyone but me,” he added.

Beyond the more dramatic findings unearthed by the report, the MORONS report concluded that traffic lights do in fact enhance phone signal, according to participants of the study.

This among other pearls of folk wisdom were imparted through the survey, as such the MORONS will enact a sub-decree banning helmets across the board as they were found to lower a rider’s aerodynamic properties and “totally make you look like a little bitch.”

The survey comes at a time when, between January and July this year, 9,820 traffic accidents occurred in Vietnam, killing 4,467 people, severely injuring 2,794 people and slightly injuring 4,676 others. The MORONS report shows no sign of this abating anytime soon.